I can’t make playlists: An off-topic adventure story

Why is it so obscure?

Cue regretting not becoming a programmer.

Cue writing a silly short story about it…

Cue feeling incredibly stupid and feeling incredibly powerless. You realise you are just a cog in an endlessly whirring machine of new and obscure programmes and files and sub-files and command prompts and .exe and .bat and oh my god why is it so hard?

We grow up with technology and we are so comfortable with it, we are so smart, we can use shortcuts to capitalise our letters and to save our documents, AND we can use a search bar. We are so smart with all our magical techno-wizardry. I can use a format-painter, aren’t I incredible?

But maybe, no, we’re really useless, and we know nothing; this blogspot by this random programmer man has said 30 different words and acronyms that we don’t understand in a 10 word sentance. Perhaps we are truly the uninformed and unwashed masses when it comes to technology, perhaps we are the ones who should be pitied and sympathised with, perhaps some kind geeky person should sort out our problems for us…

Cue realising that is what this kindly and well-intentioned blogspot you were in the middle of trying to read was trying to do.

If  this is “support” for my problem and it’s giving me twenty more problems perhaps it’s simply me who is wrong, who isn’t worthy of tehcnology, who has ideas above their station, who should give it all up immediately and just give up and buy an Iphone and use itunes and throw all my money away, because seriously, do I even deserve money, when I can’t even make a back-up of a music playlist without existential angst?

Cue opening up twenty more equally confusing and equally kind hearted and equally terrible soul destroying code-tech-geek forums and blogspots and staying very very confused.

Ah! At last! A google result that looks simple and not confusing! Finally! We always believed it was out there, we never lost the faith, and at last, we have been rewarded!

And it’s the default Google Music help page. Again.
Recommending that I can stream music to my phone and even use my own music!

Wow Google. Real impressive there. Real technological, real presice.

(It wouldn’t matter half as much if you would have the answer I’m ACTUALLY looking for though, I’d forgive you in less than a heartbeat.)

But alas, you don’t.

Cue trying to download something else, maybe this will work. Cue trying to follow kind geek people advise. Cue learning something and feeling like it might work at last, gettting deeper and deeper into the tech-advice rabbit hole, starting to feel like it might make sense.

<The programme flashes up for a second>

<The programme flashes up for a second>

<The programme flashes up for a second>

<The damn programme is never going to open properly for you you son of a —– and you don’t deserve it to anyway godammit>

*close window*

*close the other twenty windows you accidentally opened*

Mourn the tech goddess in you that will never live to see the light of day.

Mourn your playlists that you can’t make because you’re too impeded to be able to.

Curse the internet for making you believe you could do it. Curse the helpful commentors who couldn’t help you (despite you not asking them and them posting in May 21st 2011 about an unrelated topic).

Consider one last time if you’re willing to accept defeat…

<The programme flashes up for a second>.

Accept defeat.

If you read this and were inspired to help me with my technological feat, that’s fantastic. However, I am only a small petty person, and I’m not prepared to give any more of my life to these petty little programmes and codes and commands etc that refuse to work for me…. Until the next time. For now I’ll live not knowing how to properly back up my music playlists on android, because I know where they exist on my phone, and how to access them in theory, but can’t get the tool to access them to “open” or “install”, and I’m not even sure if that’s what I need to do to use the tool. Fun fun!


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