Confession: My Best Self Doesn’t Want to Eat The Rich

I started this week thinking how much I want to punch rich people in the face.

I know, I know, that’s not kind behaviour. It’s angry and ugly. It’s peak “tolerant left”.

Forgive me, okay? I’d just spent half an hour listening to a colleague talk about her fancy new car, her gorgeous holiday, and her husband’s fabulous job.

Instead of feeling happy for her, I was fuming; seething at the inequality. Radiating the worst “eat the rich” vibes you can think of. Ready to hit, to hurt, to punch and  yell…

It’s still not a good look, even with an “explanation” like this.

But I was a good SJW(TM). I took a breath, kept it in, counted to ten…and decided to blog instead.

And yet, that’s not the post I’m writing.

It’s not the post I want to write.

When I start out mad, it’s a race to nowhere.

Rants don’t get clever or interesting. They go petty, whiny, bratty, insufferable, a holier-than-thou cow. Not my best look. Not the energy I want to put out there. Not my wellness and self-care “best self” by a long shot.

Because my best self isn’t angry.

She is kind, and tolerant, and non-judgemental, and she holds on to her principles. She accepts people are flawed, including herself. She can balance principles against health and humanity, never letting one obliterate the other.

We’re not effective when we’re pure rage.

If we’re absorbed by the fractal details of being “woke”, it stops us from seeing anyone else.

I can’t even connect to myself when I’m on a self-righteousness high; I start expecting too much of myself.  Feeling like I can’t breathe because I’m contaminating the air with my CO2, can’t get to work because of the pollution, can’t buy food because of the labour market, can’t walk because of the homeless crisis.

By being kind to ourselves, or at least letting others be kind to us, we can become kinder.

If we want to be connected and compassionate, we can’t get that from textbooks, essays, slam poems etc.  We only get that from being human with each other, being vulnerable and helping each other.

When we’re lucky enough to have people help us, we’re better people. I’m trying to remember that and reach out more. Because I won’t be my best self if I’m by myself.

Have a good week.

cherry-blossom-trees-nicklas-gustafsson

 


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