The comment section is a bad place full of bad people, so the internet says.
But are they actually good people deep down?
People online can be really mean.
It’s weird because they’re just a human trying their best. They’re probably not feeling great, and they’re not trying to spare your feelings or their reputation.
Yet even with compassion, it’s still hard to comprehend these unkind people.
We’re all capable of being unkind
I’ve been rude and jealous online before. Once I managed to incite a hate gang against me after insulting a successful blogger for their “shallow popularity”. I knew I’d earned it, but my main concern was shock at my own vitriol. I’d been taken over by insecurities I didn’t know I had.
I spent years trying to argue but be nice at the same time. It’s hard to separate people from opinions. It’s been said we argue about our core beliefs, not logic.
These come from our childhood or our lived experiences, and they don’t change with “facts”. So even when we’re right, we can’t always convince someone. Learning to accept this made it easier to let go of the fights I couldn’t win.
Sometimes it’s hard to be authentic
I’ve always failed when I tried to guess what other people wanted. I’ve been forced to be authentic because I was too clueless to be fake. It’s helped me to be an individual, but it’s not always been easy.
It’s been hard for me to find my true self, having grown up desperately undiagnosed. I wasn’t what people wanted, but I didn’t know what I wanted either.
It took going to therapy for the first time to realise I had an opinion. It took much longer to believe I matter and deserve respect.
Reading the words online is never as powerful as another human being saying them directly to you. We all need someone who believes in us unconditionally, and sometimes it’s your therapist.
We’re not alone in this
Telling myself that I count is great, but it isn’t enough. On it’s own, that’s just pressure on myself. For example, I’ve been researching a new business idea, but the unending online guidance makes me lose my confidence. It makes me feel inadequate and clueless.
But despite all their e-books and courses, in reality no-one knows what will work.
Every situation is unique, and there are no guarantees. We are all humans, trying to do our best in an uncertain world.
For me to find peace, I can’t be an island. Everyone has equal value. Believing in this equal world is where I find my zen. It’s a cliche, but it’s hard to truly believe it. You need to accept you matter, and that everyone else matters too.
Everyone is able to be kind
Despite years of internet, we’re still not great at understanding it’s a human on the other end of the screen.
Our senses weren’t designed to speak to someone who isn’t there. We’re still all working it out.
If we feel accepted by ourselves and our community, it’s easier to be kinder and more tolerant.
No matter what’s raging in the comment section, that’s something we can all work on.
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